Bad Day
by goji1995
Summary: Dipper has a terrible day after having a deeply disturbing nightmare about Bill. Mabel takes it upon herself to brighten her downtrodden brother's day.


BAD DAY

Dipper didn't want to accept what he saw in front of him, no, couldn't accept it. It wasn't real. It couldn't possibly be. How had it come to this? He stepped away in horror as a stream of Stan's blood hit his bare, bruised feet. The old man lay face down, not a sign of life to be seen.

"S-Stan?" he said, his voice quavering and watery.

He approached his great uncle, ignoring the pain he felt with every step.

"Grunkle Stan, please. Please wake up", he pleaded, tears stinging in his eyes.

The darkness surrounding them dissipated a little, until he could see Ford, his face covered in scratches, a hole in his chest. Dipper clapped his hands to his mouth.

"No no no, please no".

The darkness further vanished, and there lay Wendy and Soos, their bodies beaten and broken. Dipper shook his head, the tears breaking free from his eyes and cutting paths through the ash and blood that covered his face.

"No more", he begged, "please, please god no more".

His pleas did nothing to stop the darkness thinning out yet more, until he saw one final body strewn out, bloodied and broken, lying in a pool of her own blood. He dropped to his knees and broke apart, sobbing and retching.

"NO!" he screamed. "Why? WHY!?"

He looked up once again, unable to bear the sight that met him.

"Mabel", he said, his voice frail and whimpering.

He crawled towards her, placed his hands on her, gently shook her.

"Come back sis", he sobbed. "I'm sorry, don't go, don't go".

"It's too late Pine Tree", came a cruel, mocking voice.

Dipper flooded with hatred more powerful than any he had ever known. Looking up, he saw a single eye looming in the air, a yellow triangle congealing from the darkness around it, until an all too familiar dream demon floated before him. Dipper's fists clenched, and he glared with all the loathing within him.

"BILL!" he roared. "Y-you, WHY!?"

"Yeesh, relax kid", Bill said, rolling his eye as he began to circle Dipper. "Lighten up a little and take a joke".

Dipper sprang at the loathsome monster, intending full and well to rip him to pieces. He merely fell through the demon, collapsing to the ground once again. Bill cackled in great amusement.

"Oh Pine Tree, never change", he said. "But seriously, you can't blame me too much for this. You know just as well as I do that this is entirely your fault".

Dipper remained silent, a lump forming in his throat. He turned away from Bill, looking down at the ground. He felt his will breaking apart.

"Not much without them, are you?" Bill gloated. "You're nothing kid. Less than worthless. Why don't you just admit it already? The sooner you come to terms with it, the better. You don't deserve to feel sorry for yourself, and you certainly don't deserve anyone else's pity".

Dipper dug his knuckles into the ground and scraped them until they were raw and bleeding. Bill was right; of course it was his fault. Everything always was. He was nothing, his family would be better off if he had never been born. Especially Mabel. Thousands of eyes opened up in the darkness surrounding them, and began to chant in unison.

"Your fault, your fault, your fault, your fault", they said, mocking and shaming him. Bill burst out into endless, cruel, soul breaking laughter, penetrating his mind and body. He turned his head and looked at Mabel's body, the light and laughter, the sunshine and happiness robbed from her forever.

"My fault", he said, his voice barely a whimper.

The eyes closed in on him, getting closer and closer as their voices and Bill's laughter grew ever louder.

"YOUR FAULT! YOUR FAULT! YOUR FAULT!"

* * *

Dipper Pines awoke with a start, sitting bolt upright as a gasping sob escaped his throat. His heart was thundering away in his chest, tears were streaming down his face. He held his head in his hands as he readjusted to reality. Painful sobs racked his entire body. It had just been a dream. Nothing but a dream. It had felt so real, so awful, and now the images were burned into his mind's eye. Every time he pictured Mabel as he had seen her in the dream it made the sobbing worse, a tight pain clutching his chest. But it wasn't real, he reminded himself. None of it was real.

Slowly he managed to calm himself down until only silent tears escaped him. Wiping his eyes, he reached over to pull open his curtains. Looking outside at his suburban Californian hometown, he saw that the sun was only just rearing over the horizon. He felt tired, wanted more than anything to go back to sleep, but he knew he wouldn't be able to; the fear of what he would see if he did was too great. He ran his fingers through his sweat soaked hair.

With a deep, trembling sigh, he climbed out of bed and made his way to the bathroom. He stared at himself in the mirror, at his tear stained face and his bloodshot eyes.

"Come on Dipper", he said aloud. "You're seventeen years old, all of it was years ago".

It didn't help. Tutting at the stubbornness of his own brain, he turned on the faucet and splashed water on his face. He could feel it coming on already. A miserable day of self-loathing and guilt. He managed to avoid it for the most part nowadays, but every so often, he would have a nightmare, or he'd get too lost in his own thoughts, and he'd end up spiralling down into darkness and spend all day contemplating all the mistakes he'd made, all the regret and guilt, the fear of what his actions could do to his loved ones. He'd drudge up all the self-loathing, anger at himself, and lingering fear, and he's spend all day suffocating in it. And today was one of those thankfully rare days, of that much he was sure. Shaking his head, he accepted the inevitability of it and decided to just face it and get through it as best he could.

That had been a particularly horrific nightmare, one of the worst he'd ever had, and he couldn't think about if for even a second without wanting to throw up or burst into tears again. He shoved the thought of it away. For now, he just wanted to put it out of his mind. He hopped in the shower to wash away the sweat that was coating him. Leaning his head against the shower wall, he glanced down and looked at the scars left over four years ago from forks jammed into his arms by Bill. He cringed in shame. Just another permanent reminder of his stupidity.

Now when he looked back at how obsessed he had gotten with the secrets of the journal, he wanted to kick himself. How many times had that stupid obsession put everyone he loved in danger? He had made a deal with Bill, who he knew full and well was dangerous and not to be trusted, just to get answers, and now those scars were left there forever from the demon stealing his body over that deal, mocking him. Finishing his shower, he dried off, clothed himself and went downstairs. Nobody else was up yet, thankfully. He didn't need questioning over why he was shaking and bloodshot.

He poured himself a bowl of fruit loops and forced himself to eat it, even though he felt sick to the stomach. He'd feel worse if he didn't eat, he knew that much. Bill's cruel laughter shook through his mind, sending a shiver down his spine.

"He's gone", he muttered to himself. "He's gone and he can never come back".

That eased the pain a little, but sometimes even he doubted that. How could he possibly know for sure that Bill could never return? He was the master of manipulation and lying. Maybe he faked his defeat. Maybe even now Dipper was in a false reality created by the wretched scumbag monster. He knew Bill was capable of such, remembering the world he had created that had once held Mabel, the world that used her fear of growing up to keep her placated, to keep her in whatever trance Bill had placed on her. He was the master of the mind, and Dipper could never be sure that this wasn't just another trick, that Bill was letting him think they had won. He could never be sure that what he was experiencing was real or just a lie.

Don't think that, Dipper told himself, just please don't think that. No need to throw an existential crisis on top of everything else.

"He's gone", he muttered once again. "Gone forever and he'll never come back".

"Dipper?"

The teen jumped so hard that he nearly fell out of his chair. Turning around he saw his sister stood behind him in her polka dot dressing gown, a look of concern etched on her face.

"M-Mabel", he stuttered.

"You okay?" Mabel said, coming to sit in the seat beside him.

He sighed.

"I'm fine, sis".

"You don't look fine", she said.

He knew full and well that it wasn't worth his while trying to hide it from Mabel. His twin could see past any and all façade he attempted to put up with ease, and he knew it.

"Just… not a great start to the day".

"Nightmare?"

He nodded, turning away from her. She placed her hand on his shoulder and gave it a comforting squeeze.

"You wanna talk about it?" she said gently.

"No, not now", Dipper said.

"Well… alright. Talk to me when you're ready bro, just please don't keep it trapped up in your head all day. Please?"

"Okay", Dipper said hoarsely.

"And I'll be there the whole day, okay, so if you need me, just come looking for me. Kay?"

He nodded. Mabel opened up her arms for him.

He leaned into his sister, resting his head on her shoulder as she wrapped her arms around him and hugged him tightly. He took a deep breath, the embrace soothing him. Mabel was here, she kept him anchored on days like this. So long as she was there, he knew he could get through the miserable day ahead of him.

* * *

The school day slogged by at a snail's pace. Dipper's mind was far away from reality at the moment, and nothing the teachers said stuck with him, simply going in one ear and out the other. Instead he was fixated on the past yet again, as he knew he would be.

He thought about the time he had trusted an insane video game character and nearly gotten Robbie killed because of it. He thought of the time he had obtained growth crystals and had gotten him and Mabel captured by Gideon because of it. He remembered accidentally summoning up a horde of zombies to prove some agents wrong and every one he loved was nearly eaten. He remembered making that stupid deal with Bill. He remembered agreeing to keep secrets from Mabel and Stan, and he remembered the near apocalypse that had come about because of that.

He thought over all these mistakes, all these errors of judgment he had made in his first summer in Gravity Falls, and it just made it all worse. The self-loathing only grew as the day went by, the crippling retroactive anxiety at all the things that could have gone so, so much worse rattling him. At some points of the day, he simply felt a crushing emptiness. During the classes they had together, Mabel would hold his hand tightly under the table and give him affectionate glances. During their breaks, she would chat up a storm with him to keep his mind off things, which, though it didn't have the intended effect, helped him nonetheless. In the one or two classes they didn't have together, Dipper felt everything the worst. It made him more anxious than ever to be apart from Mabel on days like this, but he just had to sit it out and suffer in silence until he could see her again.

Every time they reunited Mabel flung her arms around him and made sure she told him that she loved him. Even still, a part of him kept telling him that he didn't deserve it, he didn't deserve to be loved by anyone, least of all her. He shoved this voice away every time it threatened to surface, but it was always running in the background.

He so wanted this day to be over and done with, but his wishing only made it drag by yet slower. When finally the school day did come to its end, it had all become too much, and Dipper made his way as quickly as he could through the crowd of teenagers making their way to the exit. He didn't stop to look for Mabel. He wanted her company more than anything right now, but he didn't want her to see him break down. Right now, even though he didn't want to be, he had to be alone.

* * *

An hour later, he found himself standing out in a field on the outskirts of Piedmont. The field was old and unkempt, the grass coming up to his waist and a rusty, abandoned metal shed stood nearby. All around him were various remnants of the field's old use, with rusted coils of copper wire and dilapidated tools strewn all about. He paced back and forth, running everything through his head for the thousandth time that day.

He thought of all his mistakes yet again, all the times he messed with the supernatural and it went wrong, all the times he took his obsession too far and got in over his head, all the times the things he did could have gotten his family killed. He thought of the apocalyptic nightmare that Bill had brought to Gravity Falls.

It was your fault, he told himself. No it wasn't, a small voice of reason argued, but it was crushed beneath a mountain of guilt and self-doubt. His whole body was shaking once again as all the negativity flowed through him, burning anger at himself flowing through him. His back ached from the tension in his muscles, phantom pains rising up in his scarred arms. He rubbed at them, but it wouldn't do any good, he knew.

Finally, it all came to a head and he let loose a scream, the loudest sound he could conjure, roaring in fury at the grey autumn sky above him. He marched up to the single tree that stood in the field and punched it so hard that he felt the bones in his hands shake, felt the searing flare of pain that went up his entire arm.

"GODDAMN IT", he roared as he punched the tree again. "GODDAMN EVERYTHING".

Again and again he pounded his fists into the tree, punching and punching despite the pain, until his knuckles were raw and bleeding. Then, his will collapsed and he burst into tears again. He was a burden, he internally screamed at himself. A stain on his family. They'd be better off without him.

"SHUT UP", he screamed at his thoughts. "JUST SHUT UP".

God this day could not be over fast enough. This was probably one of the worst he had experienced in these last four years. It had been a pretty disastrous nightmare that had set it off, after all. He tried to remind himself that he would feel better in the morning, that all the anger and hatred he felt for himself right now wouldn't be harassing him come the next day, but it didn't help. He let himself cry freely, leaning his face against the trunk of the tree as he felt his bloodied knuckles sting and burn.

"Dipper?" came a quiet, concerned voice.

Dipper turned around and saw that Mabel was stood behind him. She took a long look at him, saw the tears pouring down his face, saw his bloodied knuckles, heard his rasping, sobbing breaths, saw the pain and fear and guilt in his eyes and promptly broke down herself, tears leaking from her eyes.

"Oh, Dipper", she said, and ran towards him, flinging her arms around him and crushing him in the tightest hug she could give.

Dipper briefly tensed, before he wrapped his arms around her too and hugged her back as tightly as he could. For a long while they remained like that, crying into one another's shoulders, Mabel rubbing Dipper's back as he sobbed deeply.

"It's gonna be okay, bro-bro", she whispered soothingly.

"Doesn't feel like it", he said with a half laugh, half sob.

"I know, I know", Mabel said. "But it will be, I promise".

Slowly but surely, the two of them settled down, their sobs subsiding into silent tears, and finally, they were able to let go of one another, Mabel blowing her nose on a tissue. The two of them sat beside each other, leaning their backs against the tree. Mabel grabbed hold of his hand again and squeezed it.

"Why'd you go off on your own, Dip?" Mabel said.

"I don't know", Dipper said, scratching the back of his neck. "I guess… I just felt like I deserved to be alone".

Mabel frowned.

"That's not true".

"I know", he replied, not entirely truthfully.

"I mean it Dipper", Mabel said, her voice trembling. "You shouldn't be alone on days like this, ever. Look at your hands Dippindots, they're covered in blood".

"I just… I can't deal with days like this Mabes".

"I know. It's all because of that nightmare, isn't it?"

He nodded forlornly. He hadn't been able to get the images out of his head all day, and they still haunted him, Bill's laughter sending a shiver down his spine every time he recalled it. That laugh was forever burned into his mind.

"You ready to talk about it?" she asked.

He looked deep into her eyes, identical to his own. He knew it was foolish to try and keep it to himself, and there was no one he'd rather confide it in than his twin. She was the person he loved more than anything in the world, the one person he trusted above all others. Taking a deep breath, he nodded and began his explanation. He told her all about the bodies of everyone he had seen, including her, told her of Bill and his mockery, told her of the accusing eyes, closing in on him and getting ever louder, yelling at him that it was all his fault. By the end of it, Mabel looked as if she were ready to cry again.

"Oh, Dipper", she said.

She wrapped her arms around his head and held him close. She folded back his fringe and kissed him on the forehead.

"But it's okay Dipper", she said reassuringly. "Bill's gone now, gone forever. He can never hurt any of us ever again".

"I know", Dipper replied. "But… I… It's just…"

"Yeah, I know", Mabel said. "It's hard. I still have nightmares about him too sometimes, remember?"

Dipper remembered only too well the last time he had had to comfort Mabel in the middle of the night, his sister crying herself to sleep in his arms. Fury boiled inside him. It was one thing for Bill to leave lingering trauma with him, but for him to still be causing Mabel suffering made him want to rip the bastard to pieces.

"But how come it's set off all this self-loathing and anger and stuff?" Mabel asked.

"Because it's all my fault".

"What!? What's your fault?"

"Everything".

"Dipper, that's not true".

"Isn't it?"

"No, it isn't".

"Mabel", Dipper said. "Look at our first summer in Gravity Falls. I screwed up so many times".

"So did I", Mabel said. "We both screwed up a lot, because we were both kids Dipdop. We were just kids".

"I nearly got us all killed so many times. And if I hadn't kept secrets from you, Weirdmageddon would have never happened".

"Dipper, no, don't you dare blame yourself for that", Mabel said, her voice quavering and tears stinging at the corners of her eyes. "That… that was my screw up, okay".

"No, it wasn't".

"Yes, it was".

"Mabel, no".

"Mabel yes".

Despite the misery of the day, Dipper snorted with laughter, eliciting a small smile from Mabel.

"Look, we both screwed up there, okay?" Mabel said. "But that doesn't mean you should blame yourself. It wasn't your fault. It was Grunkle Ford that asked you to keep secrets remember, and he said it himself afterwards, that was a bad idea. So we all screwed up a little. But that's okay, because everyone makes mistakes, and in the end, we stopped it. We beat Bill, remember Dipper? We kicked his isosceles butt".

"Yeah", Dipper said, cracking a small but genuine smile "We did. But still, when I get days like this I just… think about how much worse everything could have been because of my mistakes. You could have been eaten by zombies, or Rumble could have knocked down the water tower you and Stan were stood on, or Gideon could have crushed you when we got shrunk, or, or…"

"But it didn't", Mabel said. "None of that happened. You can't get stuck in your head over what-ifs Dip, because none of those things can ever happen now. I screwed up Just as much as you did that summer, but it's not worth hating yourself over mistakes".

"Hey, you get bad days like this too", Dipper said.

"Yep", Mabel said, "and you say the exact same stuff to me, bro".

She beamed broadly, and despite everything, Dipper smiled too. He could feel the weight finally lifting from his shoulders. Mabel really was his saviour, he had no doubts about that. Whenever he had bad days, he could always count on his sister to pull him out of the darkness one way or another. He stared at her with the same affectionate, gentle smile he always had whenever he thought about how much he loved her and how happy she made him. He couldn't ask for a better sister. He threw his arms around her.

"I love you Mabes".

"Love you too Dippingsauce".

They held the embrace for a little while longer before finally letting go.

"You feeling any better?" Mabel said.

"Yeah", Dipper said. "I mean, I still feel kind of crummy, but… a lot better than I did".

"Good. Now don't go hating yourself again, you big dork".

"I… you know I'm probably gonna have other days like this, right?"

"I know that Dipper", she said. She grinned again, adding, "and so will I. But I know that you'll be there for me just like I'm there for you. Because you always have been, ever since before we were born. You're the greatest brother in the world, the best birthday present ever".

Dipper's heart swelled. She really did love him so much.

"I don't know about "greatest" brother", he said modestly.

"Nope, you're wrong", Mabel said, poking him in the cheek. "Best brother in the whole entire world, forever and always. You're the brother who makes me happy, the brother who brightens my day when things get sucky. You're the brother who's protected me ever since we were kids, and the brother who loves me more than anything in the world. You're like, my soulmate bro, and I'd never change a thing about you. Don't even try to deny it, 'cause I say you're the best brother ever, and I'm always right about everything".

The two of them laughed together.

"Guess that settles it then", Dipper said, his eyes shining with what were definitely not tears of happiness, no, there was just something in his eye was all.

"Now come on, let's go home broseph".

Mabel hopped to her feet. When Dipper followed suit, however, he found himself hoisted unceremoniously onto Mabel's back.

"PIGGYBACK TIME!" Mabel yelled joyfully.

"What, no way", Dipper said.

"Sorry, but there's no fighting it bro-bro", Mabel said.

"Don't you think we're a little old for this?" Dipper said, chuckling despite his objection.

"NOPE!"

And with that, she ran back towards town, letting loose a war cry as her brother laughed and whooped cheerfully.

* * *

Once they got back home, Mabel made sure to tend to Dipper. She ensured that he ran his knuckles under some cold water, then stuck some bandaids on him once he dried his hands off. The two of them sat and played Fight Fighters III Turbo Edition together in Mabel's room. She baked the both of them some cookies, and Dipper had to admit, they were some of Mabel's finest. Every so often, he found himself sinking back into depression and self-loathing. He had been expecting it, it never fully went away during the bad days, but he felt much better now nonetheless, so honestly, he didn't mind too much. During one of his bad spells, Mabel briefly disappeared and came back with Stan on the phone.

"Talk to Grunkle Stan", she said.

"What, why?"

"Because he knows all about this kind of stuff. He's been through it too, remember".

Dipper gingerly took the phone from Mabel.

"H-hey Grunkle Stan", he said.

"Hey kiddo", came the gruff voice of his uncle. "Heard you been havin' a rough day".

Later on in the night, the two of them sat together in a peaceful silence on Mabel's bed, Dipper's legs draped over his sister's. Dipper was feeling a little down again, but he managed to keep himself relatively distracted with the book he was reading. Mabel was sat rapidly knitting a new sweater, when she suddenly said,

"Aaaaand, done".

Dipper looked up from his reading.

"Alright, let's see it then Ma…"

He was cut off mid-sentence when Mabel yelled,

"SWEATER ATTACK!"

And in an instant he found himself assaulted by a face full of wool as Mabel wrestled him into the newly made sweater. Finally, she was done, and after Dipper recovered from the sudden shock of it all, he looked down and took a long look at the sweater. It was sunset orange, and in the centre was a gold trophy, with the words, "Winner of the world's best brother competition 1999-2016" emblazoned on it. His heart swelled once again, and any and all discontent he had just been feeling vanished. Okay, now those definitely weren't tears of joy threatening to break loose this time, definitely, absolutely not, just something in his eye again, really.

"Thanks, Mabel", he said.

"No problemo broface", she said, giving him the thumbs up and grinning at her work.

* * *

After the two of them ate dinner, Mabel went off upstairs to shower. Dipper lay down on his side on the couch and switched on the TV. He only half watched it, but it was something distracting at least. The empty feeling was coming back to him once again. Seriously, he thought. You're still feeling crappy after all that? But, he resigned himself to it. Like he already knew, it never totally went away on these days. Hopefully this rough patch would pass by soon.

He folded his arms to feel more of the sweater's warmth, clutching the wool of the chest tightly. He smiled at it, a lasting reminder of how much his sister loved him.

Still, even though she wasn't gone for long, Dipper missed having Mabel here with him. He didn't at all like being apart from her on days like this, more so than he wanted to admit. He just knew he'd feel safer and happier with her here, and silly as it may have felt, when he was apart from her on the bad days, it made him think of the three days of hell he had spent without her during Weirdmageddon, and it just made things worse than they already were. It made him think of losing her again, and that was truly the worst feeling of these days.

Thankfully, it wasn't long before his sister returned, dressed in her polka dot dressing gown once again and her hair blow dried. He tried to keep the great relief he felt at her return a secret, but he knew it showed on his face. She lay on the couch next to him, rolling her back into him. Dipper wrapped his arms around her middle, and felt her hands take hold of his.

"Anything good on bro?" she said.

"Nah, not really", Dipper said. "Just reruns of Ducktective".

"That'll do", Mabel said.

"Yeah, I guess it will", Dipper replied. "I love you sis", he said for what must have been the fifth time that day.

"Love you too broski", she said, smiling drowsily.

Dipper rested his chin against the top of her head and tightened his embrace. He sighed contentedly, slowly relaxing as he began to feel happier again. He had had days like this in the past, and he would have days like this again in the future, but he was okay with that. Mabel was always going to be there for him, she loved him with all her heart and soul, and that was really all that mattered.

* * *

 **A/N: Well, this ended up getting bigger than I expected it to be. I enjoyed writing this one a lot, writing sibling fluff for Dipper and Mabel is always so good for the heart, you know. The Pines parents are seemingly completely absent in this, so let's say they're out visiting some relatives or some such thing. I personally imagine Dipper and Mabel are both gonna have some rough days in the future after their time spent in Gravity Falls, but they'll always have each other's backs and be there for each other, looking out for one another the way they always have. I left Bill's ultimate fate ambigious, since we don't yet know in what manner he will be defeated. Also, I've realised that I include forehead kisses in my stories a LOT, but I just can't help it, they make me melt every damn time. Thanks so much for reading, I hope you enjoyed :D**


End file.
